my phone needs a breathalizer
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
