just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
