Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
