____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
