She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
