ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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