The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
