Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
