her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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