is your mom at the bar?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
