i need an iv and a liver transplant
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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