After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
