If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
they're like a gay fantastic four
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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