I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
