Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
