he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
