Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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