i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
you never un-have a 4some
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
