how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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