It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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