My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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