there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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