when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
