So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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