So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
worst night to have a conscience
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
