your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
