Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
