Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
