either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
wow bdsm is so cute
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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