If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
