One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
