Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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