I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize