If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
