i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
