dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
