Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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