How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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