i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
