Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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