I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
