She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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