a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
