I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
