I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Randomize
