We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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