are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
