Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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