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I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
