coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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