textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize