Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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