My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize