Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
