Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
