if i can run in heels then i can drive
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
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You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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