hotel room ftw
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
