but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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