kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
