At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
