You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
