oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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