that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize