Christians are straight up FREAKS
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
