Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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