you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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