I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
