U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
