I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
