Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
