Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
