I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
