My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
