im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
